November 4, 2007 - It is not very cold this afternoon. May be because I am sitting comfortably in my room which is warm - thanks to the college for not charging extra cost for heating. From my window, I can see the clear blue sky so there's enough reason to be cheerful. It was very cold early in the morning when I was cycling to a car-boot sale at a business park not far from here. I have all my gears on. I was wearing my hand gloves and my head is fully covered – including the most vulnerable parts of my body: my ears. It reminds me of the day in January 1993 when I was cycling to college without any gears on. I was freezing.
Today is Sunday and as in any typical Sunday in England there's really nothing much to do..... except for a student like me, to study! Well that may not be necessarily true as there are a lot of things a student can do here. There's a day-trip to our sister college but I have decided not to go. But studying is not really what I want to do now and I am in no mood to do that. A paper from a journal published in 1989 is sitting on my desk. I have read the paper twice at least.
I was first discouraged by the amount of vector calculus spread throughout the paper. With no background on the subject, I am left me to comprehend the text which is only fifty percent of the paper. And the text make continuous reference to the various equations leaving me to understand only half of the text!
A few days later on my second attempt I discovered I can learn more from the paper. In between I went to the library to find a book for self-study. I was very fortunate as there is a book for dummy. I can’t believe there is such a book at this very institution! Someone before me must have gone through similar predicament.
I have taken the extra efforts to highlight certain points in the journal I believe to be of importance, and underline the parts I need further reading. That is an achievement in itself. Little achievement but hopefully enough to keep me going. A few nights before a friend told me you will not understand everything in a single reading. What a relief! On Friday a colleague from the same course told me she is also having problems to grasp the heavy maths in the subject we are taking. Another comfort factor! Well at least I know there's more than one person in the boat!
I must have been very ambitious when I applied for the course early in 2007. Or I must be thinking I will not get a place as the odds are against me but as always, no harm in trying! It must be a case of "be careful of what you wish". Nevertheless, I would love to say "I'm living my dreams". And I would be happy to claim "I'm doing what I want to do..". Except that what I want to do might not be the right and best thing for me. Or a case of bad timing.
"Opportunity never comes twice" and "the best things in life are free". I love those words. It is probably a very good reason to justify why I am here. Or rather why I chose to be here.
I have so many reasons to be very grateful. I know I have been telling myself about this many times before. It is not about career, material possession, family or whatever possessions I have.
2 comments:
well, no one said that studying is easy.
it's good to hear from you :)
I hated those freezing winter days. The weather in the UK really does affect one's moods.
You're one lucky chap, getting the opportunity of a life time. You may not think so right now, but one day you'll be looking back to this short stint with fondness. Make the best of it, okay. Make it worth it.
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